Fatal Attraction

"Only time can heal your broken heart, just as only time can heal his broken arms and legs"
Miss Piggy



While Miss Piggy says it best when it comes to unhooking from an emotional fatal attraction, Miss Piggy never had to deal with a work-fatal attraction, mostly because she evidently had a great job!

A fatal attraction at work is someone who drains your energy when you have an encounter with them. This person could be a rival, a manager, or just a needy colleague.

I have never noticed how common fatal attraction patterns at work are, until I read the book "Working with You is Killing Me".


The problem with work fatal attraction is that, aside from mostly going unrecognized, they drain your energy, feed on your passion for your job, and in extreme cases leave you wondering whether you're fit for your job.

One of the patterns which I personally think is the most dangerous, yet the most common, usually feeds on people who are early on in their career, or are simply insecure.


Let me tell you about Salma: Salma used to work at my old company, she had had ten years of experience in the engineering field at the time, and she was appreciated by her new manager Nadeem, when she first started.

I met Salma two years after she joined the company, by that time, her working relationship with Nadeem had turned sour. He was skeptical of everything she did, he continuously pointed out benchmarks which he said she would never be able to achieve.

Salma focused on reaching those benchmarks rather than finding a new job, and she resorted to plotting scenarios which never went according to plan.



For example, she would go into his office, and furnish a supposedly new offer she received –when it was obvious that the offer was nothing more than a game- and she would ask him to match it. To make a long story short, she never left.


In the end, although Salma managed to reach a few benchmarks set by Nadeem, Nadeem terminated her from the company shortly after.

The way I see it is, although Salma evidently has severely questionable wisdom, Nadeem's pattern of behavior was observable with some of the other employees as well.

As you can see, this pattern starts when the new manager makes it clear s/he believes in you, they encourage you, and make it clear that they think you're destined to have a great career.

Then suddenly, this manager becomes critical, demanding, and almost always disappointed in you, and no matter how hard you try, your work relationship is never the same, because the rules of the game were simply changed by the other person.

If you want to know whether you're suffering from a fatal attraction at work, ask yourself the following questions:

1. Do you prepare for the encounters with this person more than you should?

In other words; do you imagine how the scenario will go, what you are going to say, and how they're going to be impressed by it?

2. Do you feel consumed by having to analyze how the encounter went afterwards over and over in your head?

3. When you first met that particular person, were you thrilled at the potential they saw in you?

4. Do you feel physically tense or uneasy before and after encounters with that person?

5. Do you feel that something has changed, yet you cannot really put your finger on it?

If you notice one or more of these patterns in your work relationship with someone, this is when you know that you're suffering from a fatal attraction at work.

If you happen to be suffering from a fatal attraction, or an energy draining pattern at work, the first step towards unhooking is to recognize the situation for what it is; release your ego from the equation, and evaluate whether your passion for your job can survive having to manage your relationship with the energy draining person.

And whatever you do, always remember; what others think does not change who you are, and what you're capable of.

Are you an Arab?

If yes... What would you say to me if I told you that I come from your country/town?

Chances are; you're going to ask me about my family name.

According to Farid Muna (The Arab Executive, 1980); "When Arabs meet their countrymen for the first time, they usually attempt to establish each other's family identity. In the West, on the other hand, it appears that the initial conversation revolves around a person's occupation or profession. In Japan, introductions are made with reference to one's organization or company".

In his book 'Cultures and Organizations', Hofstede states that the national culture which is acquired during the first ten years of a person's life has an influence on the superficial organisational culture which we acquire as adults.

That's why most of today's organisations which target the international market are aware of the importance of the cultural sensitivity of their businesses.

In other words, it is just as important to retain local-culture savvy employees as it is to retain technically efficient staff.

An example on the lack of cultural sensitivity going horribly wrong would be the famous Nike Air logo.

In 1997, Nike's 'Air' flame logo in English resembled the word 'Allah' in Arabic script.

Many Muslims, offended by the logo, campaigned for the boycott of Nike products.

Nike recalled 38,000 pair of shoes from Muslim markets, and diverted another 30,000 to 'less sensitive' markets, and followed the product recall with a public apology, and a playground donation for an Islamic school.

To me, there is nothing as entertaining in the engineering field as working for a multinational organisation. The interaction between different cultures at work is quite interesting to watch.

When I first started my job at an international consultant, I found so many things difficult to understand. These things varied from the bodily noises that some colleagues seemed to freely produce while sitting at their desks in the open office area, to the dynamic of the multinational meetings which seemed to be run in some form of organised chaos.

However, when my first employer failed to retain the local-culture savvy employees, that's when I really realised the importance of cultural sensitivity in business.

This realisation also made me understand the dynamic of some of the previous problems in projects which could've probably been avoided if the project managers were given cultural- awareness training.

Some of these problems were directly linked to the perception of what the client wants, and that's what made meeting the client expectations seem like an impossible task to accomplish.

I personally think that cultural diversity at work should be celebrated and considered especially when working closely with a client.

An organisation is a unique place to learn about other cultures while conducting business, and I believe that international organisations can do a lot better if proper cultural awareness training is given to key staff prior to locating them in a new international market.

The Social Impact of Organisational Culture

I have always been fascinated by organisational cultures, and the dynamic of what is perceived as the norm in organisations.

But what happens when the organisation culture breeds unacceptable norm?

I have had a recent experience in which the hidden racism was the norm in the office., and it went against the values the parent company was trying to promote, and the claims of the senior management.

I perfectly understand that the culture of the organisation influences how the employees are treated, and as a result of my understanding I chose to leave.

However, I can't help but wonder how politically incorrect behaviour find its way to become a norm in an organisation?

People and countries spent decades fighting racism, why is it still acceptable to practice hidden racism in the workplace in developing countries?

Also, international organisations are perceived to have a corporate social responsibility to the communities they establish themselves in.

Being an organisation which comes from a developed country, the values it promotes should be, at the very least, legal at the country of origin, let alone the promotional role of the organisation as socially responsible.

When I spoke to my manager pointing out this aspect of the organisation culture as I submitted my resignation I was quite disappointed with his reply.

I am glad to have moved on to another company, but I still wonder; do international organisations struggle to live up to their role of sustainably developing people in developing countries by sustaining a fair organisational culture?

Or is it that it's easier to just look the other way…